back.

im back cause uh



i need a private writing place again.


and the nosey peeps don't know this exist.

big ups to anybody peeping the scene.


it's bound to get a little bit interesting.

that "new new" shit.

i think a period of enligtenment is good for black people. everybody wanna talk shit and look sly and funny when a NIGGA get up on some educated type shit. people wanna talk down and say you wildin and on some nonsense when you try to hit them with the truth, but it’s cool. not everybody can face it, but in due time, everyone will. it all comes full circle any way and whether you decide to feed on knowledge or fester in mistruth is merely up to you. not enough people are on my wave length and NIGGAS wanna say im on some new boogie type tip when really, there aint nothing wrong with feeling myself and walkin in the light knowing that unbeknownst to whoever…
i am a queen.
to a fault at least because i am still at best and worst a bitter black bitch on a rampage. (but still a queen) so when i cut people off and move around and dont fuck with the same motherfuckers who aint doin shit and are only listing goals because they look good on paper: OH WELL. there is nothing boogie about wanting to do better. there is nothing bad about being bold about being black and if i’d rather wear two fists on the side of my face rather than a blood diamond on my 4th finger
so be it.
it is what it is right?

so yeah. some people claim they “don’t know me anymore” and i’m not the “Dee” they first met, but shit, thats more like a compliment cause i know who she was and she wasnt me. she was weak and naive and now that she’s been unmasked to the real, everyone is going to know about it. feel it. live it. breathe it. DEAL WITH IT.

oh and need i not forget the NIGGAS who think i’m superficial and that i only wanna kick it with niggas with money and nice cars and nice houses. the NIGGAS who think i can snap my fingers and a BITCH will be there at my door with a gift. i think NOT. which leads me to this other group of NIGGAS who think i talk to so many women…just stop. really. 99.99999% of you know you don’t know shit about my business and that’s the REAL reason you sitting around making shit up. damn. stop hating and just be happy for a nigga.

NIGGA.

so yeah…

that’s all i have to say about that.

love hard.

im in love again.

a marvelous feeling i must say that im not even sure if im fully capable of handling, but at the very least, i am fully capable of mishandling. but its a learning process i suppose. to learn to fully open yourself and commit your heart to someone who has every ability to do one of two things: make it last forever...or not.

so i guess it scares me sometimes to see myself this way. so vulnerable and afraid, yet so willing to compromise my sanity for this new thing called love, which aint so new to me even tho is sometimes seems to be. im rambling. and thats ok. all these feelings that some view as negative have somehow found their way into a positive space in my life. i love how she makes me weak. unable to speak or fight the tears when she tells me im the first thing on her mind every morning. she makes me fragile. cause its easy for me to crumble into her arms after a long day because i know she will be there.

caring. understanding. willing to take on any battle in my life as her own. bonnie and bonnie i'd say.

others can only wish to be so lucky

but sadly, a part of me really does wish that this love was a dream. so id never have to wake up from it and so if it ever ended, it wouldnt hurt as much, because in fact, it was never real. oh but its is real. sometimes too real to the point where i cant even fathom the thought of a life without her by my side. its odd how life presents itself and how love shows its face in your reflection when you arent even looking.

my kind of love.

once i record this with my guitar i will post the vid so be on the lookout for it!

**********************


i want a for real kind of love
not a for kill kind of love
that'll have me sick and down
and leave me ill kind of love

i want that:
wake up in the morning to your text kind of love
that...babygirl i got you cuz u next kind of love
that...fuck all that shit you heard im not your ex kind of love
that...if u hold my heart there's no regrets kind of love
cuz thats the best kind of love

i want that...
always on my mind love
always got that time love
that never gotta compete with your friends cuz you that fine love
never gotta compete with your ends cuz i got mine love
that...never will we split like broken ends cuz we’re in line love

I want that...
you aint gotta ask cuz i got breakfast in bed love
you aint gotta ask cuz i got breakfast and head love
and if you gotta task that leaves you upset with dread love
just send it on my way
cuz i can help you get ahead love

i want that...
shoulder i can cry on love
that...you dont have to hide type love
that...if something is bothering you,
then baby feel free to speak your mind type love

i want that...
pass the sweet while we get high type love
that break it down and roll it up while sippin cups type love
that every time you smile i get caught up type love
that...even when you frown i wont give up type love

i want that open kind of love
that homie kind of love
that...girl you like my best friend til the end because you know me love
that...im mad so i'll dismiss you love
that...yeah girl i forgive you love
only to come running back to your arms cuz you fullfill me love

i want that:
always by my side love
always ride or die love
that always reppin me faithfully cuz u aint got nothing to hide love

that's the kind of love i want
and from this i wont depart
cuz my kind of love
will have you standing at the alter
proclaiming:

til death do us part.

kiss.

i am on a role with my erotica poetry. so the preceding sentence serves as a disclaimer for the faint of heart. stop now if you suffer from sever prude-ism cause until my bout of celibacy is over, i have to get a release in some kind of way!!!

******************************

her lips are like pillows
clouds of heaven that dance amongst my tongue like petals basking in the sunlight and fawning over it's warmth
if her mouth is heaven
then i am grateful for eternal life
my time on earth wouldn't matter
if her kiss caused me to die
i am drawn to her affection like a moth to a flame
i indulge in my desire for her
forgetting everything

even my name

i crave the taste of her like an addict on a crazed binge
perhaps i need rehab
because she is my heroin
and if i am supposed to be the saint upon men
then forgive me,
because her kiss is my permanent sin

thoughts of her lips upon my lips
cloud my sense of judgement until i am void of all other thoughts
im so smitten by her existence
that i tend to get lost

it seems to me
that if her kiss is a disease
then i yearn to be infected
rather than deny myself of the perfection of her kiss
and remain protected

her kiss
soft and warm
hard and long
sweet and seductive
gentle, but strong

i moan to myself from the memories of foggy car windows
and drenched panties
as she hands me the tools of desire thru her lips
our tongues dance a tango to the unsyncopated rhythm of our uneven breathing
as i pull her close
and grab her hips

i wince in pleasure as she bites my bottom lip in excitement
my body whispers sounds of arousal
unable to hide it

i love this shit.
i fucking love this shit.
i cant help but dig the way out erotic time is spent...

[[to be continued]]

beauty.

i have a headache. so that means that something, somewhere is off balance with me. tell me something i dont know.
*************
they call me beautiful
fawning over the loveliness of my hair and eyes
not knowing the truest deception
lies with in their own minds
they merit external looks
with that they deem as perfection
but this is ultimately unwarranted
as i reject my own reflection

yes, i see beauty all around
in the trees, flowers, and sky
but unbeknownst to those that surround me
i can't see my beauty with my own eyes

all i see is a tattered being
with a tired and wretched soul
all i feel is a ghostly emptiness
begging to be made whole
all i know is that if i am beautiful
then perhaps, it is to no longer be admired
because the only beauty i used to know
has left me
and retired.

passion.

i write about sex sometimes.
it makes me feel naughty, but i do it anyway...cause deep down i really like it no matter how vulgar it makes me seem.
****************************
my pussy is pulsating
because you have perpetuated a passion within me
that cannot be penetrated by any other
you have proclaimed a profound pact between your lips and mine

BOTH SETS

no regrets
no upsets
no backsteps
into a blundering bottomless pit of belligerent beasts that some would prefer to call: men

i was never the one for them

but you fill me with a perfect passion
if you requested a penny for my thoughts on you
i'd properly write you a blank check
so you could fill it in with: "everlasting"
these other women arent even a pint sized picture of a distraction
but if you ever have any doubts...
dont ask me
...just plainly ask them.

EVERYBODY KNOWS.

your touch fills all five of my senses
with a sensation i cant describe
and everytime i see, hear, touch, smell or taste you
i get a natural high that i cant deny

you have proven to be the one
your love heats me with a perfect fiery passion with the power of a thousand suns

im powerless under your prowess
and that is why:

my pussy is pulsating
i have to squeeze my legs together
just to keep my knees from shaking
i have to pinch myself a little
hoping things are really what they seem
cuz for the first time in my life
reality is better than my dreams.