unpretty.

so i am thinking of doing a piece in either a bra only for a top.
or a t-shirt and no bra
because my stomach and my breasts are my most insecure places on my body.
so yeah.
here is a short piece that kinda talks about that a bit:

************************************
after tonight
i wonder if he'll love me.
i wonder if he'll still view me
as his perfect beauty

now that he has seen my imperfections.

we kissed gently
as i searched for the darkness.
blinds up?
check.
lights off?
check.
curtains drawn together like the wings of an upside down bat covering his face in his most nocturnal state?
CHECK.

but he craved illumination
he wanted to watch my skin glow
he needed to examine our shadows move on the wall
as he honed his lustful skills
inside my flesh

so he lit a candle.

i cringed as he lifted my shirt.
exposing the scars left on my skin from its lack of elasticity.
showing the wounds of the battle my skin fought with my body for 9 months
revealing my skin's most natural defect
the marks of my stretched melanin
covering my belly like a shield.
my body's tarnished armor
after almost a year's combat with the being that brewed inside me.

i winced as he unhooked my bra
and my breast tumbled under the weight of gravity
leaned to the sides of my chest
failed to stand erect like the eighteen year old beauty i used to be
before my breasts served as natural bottles
and swelled and formed milk under the command of a hungry child
spewing warm liquid for ten months
before shriveling and drying
like leaves in the fall
void of moisture
and descending towards my navel
like the collapse of plants in the winter

perhaps i should boast
and be proud of these blemishes
these proofs of my woman's work
my mother's worth
but i am not
and now...

now that he's seen me.
i wonder if he'll still love me.
i wonder if he'll still view me
as that once perfect, now imperfect, beauty.

© 2009 by Andee.Blakk