fated flowers.

he doesnt listen to me.
every time i open my mouth to speak
he talks over me and beyond me
he speaks thru me
rather than to me
in attempts to prove his masculinity
and weakened with femininity my tears come

one by one

one by one
then two by two
then ten by ten
i let my tears win and have their way
because they say:
"april's showers bring may's flowers"
and i've cried enough tears this season to put the rain to shame
i've watered the seed of this relationship
until it bloomed and then drowned under the strain of my pain

and luckily now...
its may

but he's fuming like a canine in the midst of summer's heat
and his words lunge at me
like he's sinking his teeth into the depths of my heart
blinded by my emotional beating
only my ears are wide open
because i still cant stand to watch his love depart

so no
i dont see him leave
but i listen as he goes
i hear his feet brush against the carpet
and the loudness of the silence that reminds me that im alone
because the king of my castle
sometimes chooses to depart from his throne

then my
fears bring more tears for the love i have to mourn
and im wondering where all the flowers are
cause all i see are petal-less roses that prick me with their thorns

until my head begins to spin

so now my head is spinning
because as sunny as it is outside
the brightness of our future is once again dimming
cause im in a battle for his love
and im never winning

maybe its because im always forgiving
and somehow forgetting
which has me forever regretting the reopening of my arms everytime he leaves
wondering if he'll ever stay stagnant
or just keep changing like the look of autumn amongst the trees
morphing from a healthy specimen
to a dry & brittle irrelevance
until he falls to the ground into a cold,harsh reality that bites him harder than winter's frost

cause without him
i used to think i'd be lost
but now its his turn to pay the cost for his loss
because desperation is no longer a stench i want to wear
and paying the price
for his past relationships is no longer a burden i want to bear

so now im hotter than houston in july
and im sweating out the agony from all the tears he made me cry
im solidifying the fragments of my heart
that he melted with his angry rays
and instead of trying to water this drought of love with my tears
i'll just help him dig the grave

instead of begging him to stay
i'll pack his bags as he begins to leave
instead pulling on his shirt for him not to go
i'll just cut off all his sleeves
instead of blocking the door so he cant escape
i'll kindly open it for him
so he'll see the smirk on my face

cause now...
he's the one who's crying
shock and stuck with disbelief
that i'd actually help him bury the love that is dying
and his tears cant water this lost love seed
cause its rotten to the core
and the only flowers i need
will be buried at lost love's cemetary
as soon as i close the door.